three years in boxes

passengers aboard flight 032109, this is your captain speaking. I just completed a 2 miler with baby sibster (and yes, it's 1:30 a.M.), but I am on my dia cinco of the bMp and that's just what I had to do. I am as tired as ever, and as there is no rest for the blessed, or so I've been told, today will be just as long, as I will go be a support system around noon to one of my bests (Diggy) as she lays her gramma to rest, work until people stop wanting sushi after, and then hit the treadmill or road again despues. And then on Sunday, still no sleeping in, because I've got my first broadcasting gig for state's softball squad and church and a paper to write. Sigh, elongated sigh. But enough about the trivial, mundane shit in my vida, and on the raw, the stuff that keeps you reading, keeps you interested and/or worried about me.

Yesterday was one of the hardest, most emotionally draining days I have ever endured. Although Gram's passing about a month ago was like slamming into a brick wall, I felt much of the same ayer, as packing my things up out of my former home with the ex felt like a death in and of itself. Right alongside books and clothes and knick-knacks went pics of Red and I in moments of both pure and staged happiness, anniversary and birthday cards to one another, home furnishings that we chose together. Three anos of day in and day out with another, all reduced to sacks and cardboard boxes, jammed like sardines into the trunk and backseat of my car, like I was 18 years old all over again, moving my things to and from my dorm at I.U. Deja vu really, as my freshman year of college ended up an academic disaster and now, seven years later, my marriage just the same. I had already been tearing up sporadically as I packed without anyone there, and of course, the day just couldn't be complete without the ex unexpectedly showing up during my boxing, tenderly laying his hand on my shoulder while I was hunched over a bunch of magazines in our study, not speaking for the longest time just soaking it all in. We've officially been divorced since January, but done since the fall, and honestly, until yesterday, the gravity of it had yet to hit either of us I think. It will still be a solid few weeks until I get all my big furniture out of there, and I've got one more carload to bring home later today, and then that will be it. I will have no reason to stay at the house anymore, see him randomly through the week, in passing or on purpose, and it's so heartbreaking I could almost die. I'm thoroughly drained, even by the re-telling of this occurence, and I need dormir in the worst way. As I can hardly see this screen anymore because of blurred and filled-up ojos, I am signing off.

Xoxo to all, and to all a good night.