b.M.p.

Passengers aboard flight 031609, this is your extremely ill and fatigued captain speaking. I had marathon puking sessions intermittently over the course of today, which have left me subsequently exhausted and I have class in t minus cinco hours and I can't fall asleep. No bueno. Manana is shaping up to be extremely loaded, full of errands, escuela, and the start of the bMp, or the Better Me Project. I have enlisted kid sister as my Made coach for the next month, in which she and I have outlined five main goals to be achieved by mid-April. It is our hope that the bMp will jumpstart my life back on the inside track and help me stay on the road to recovery and redemption. 1. I have to attend church once a week. 2. I am only to go out once a weekend and if I drink it should be extremely minimal in nature. 3. I am to run/workout 5 days a week and complete a mini-marathon in either April or May. 4. No skipped classes for the remainder of the semester. 5. Complete my room renovation at my parent's house and get moved in finally. I am at such a worn-down and weary place in my vida right now and I'm honestly very excited to get back on the wagon and down the Oregon trail. I feel sometimes that I am one slip-up away from totally face planting and the thought of making good choices and having to be accountable about them to someone other than myself is as reassuring as it is daunting. I'm crossing my fingers that I feel better after a bit of sleep than I do right now because I'd rather not have to step out of zumba tomorrow because I have to throw up or pull my car over like I did today. And now on to the 60/40 because I need to lay down whether or not I feel like it, sleep becomes me…

 

1. Good- This week is going to be go-go-go, but in having to be aqui, there, and everywhere, it leaves me very little idle time, which I found out over the course of a basically responsibility free spring break week, is the devil, the absolute devil.
   
2. Good- The Texan told me the other night that he has a week off work in May and that he is pondering coming here to see me.
   
3. Bad- My crush is off to another country for an entire month tomorrow and I didn't get to see him at all last week. Which, I'm certain he made sure of on purpose. But actually, this might be a good thing, his exeunt from los estados unidos, because in case you hadn't heard, out of sight, out of mind.
   
4. Bad- I spent a decent amount of tiempo today with my cabeza on my toilet. And for those of you who really know me, I'm not an easy puker. In fact, I can't even recall how many times I've wanted the contents of my stomach to come spilling out and either had to play like a bulimic or just get over it. But not today.
   
5. Good- I'm itching to throw my asics on with regularity again and hear "You must be a runner" again. Oh, and turns out running will help me miscarry the beer baby I've been lugging around lately.
   
6. Good- A friend of mine let me know that he's sort of a tennis guru and I'm going to start playing with him when it warms up. So exciting and turns out, I have the perfect outfits already. Pink lacoste polo and short skirts? Ummmmm, thank you.
   
7. Bad- I have a splendiferous amount of bills to attend to this month.
   
8. Bad- I watched on and off "The story of us" on lifetime tonite which was basically the portrait of red and I's marriage, minus the kids they had and the fact they had been married fifteen years and I teared up numerous times, and at the end when they kept it together, I was left with this sinking feeling that we just gave up without a fight, without really trying, and that in itself is the real tragedy to me, not the divorce itself. Live and learn.
   
9. Good-Despite the divorce, the ex and I have maintained a relationship with one another, which, I don't know of with many other people I know or have heard of having split. I hope to maintain him as a friend all my life. Which, I know of the dynamics of ours will change with the passing days, new relationships, and when I finally completely move out of his house, but for now, I cherish and value what it is that we are able to accomplish.
   
10. Good-I am doing color commentary for my first sports broadcasting gig (isu women's softball) this Sunday. I'm nervous as shit but so ready. I was born for this.
    

Xoxo to all, and to all a good night.