one week deep

Passengers aboard flight 032209, this is el capitan speaking. I am one week deep into my bMp and all things considered, it was a decently productive outing. Out of the five goals I outlined earlier, I adhered to them quite well, in attending church esta noche, running five days for a total of 13 miles, only missing dos clases on Monday morning after I'd been up all night last Sunday puking, and eating pretty decently. I did only go out once this week as well, but drank twice, and although not extremely heavily on those two days, definitely more than I had anticipated. So, with that said, I am upping the ante this week on the bettering and healing of Han, and adding increased mileage, at least tres 2-a-dia workouts, the subtraction of any white carbs (whole grains are fine), and reading my Biblia at least a chapter each day. It was amazing what a simple week of slight changes in my lifestyle made, as the night that I went out, I heard more positive compliments than I have in quite a while (and no, by compliments, I don't mean drunks going "Hey you, nice legs, wanna fuck?") Friends of mine just stated that I seemed better, looked better, was starting to radiate something positive from inside again. Those things were all I needed to hear to keep staying this course and even take it to increased levels. And aside from this, even though an it was an obviously gut-and-heart-wrenching occurrence, beginning to move my things from my former space was as therapeutic as any number of organic apples, feet of pavement pounded, or lectures actually listened to. I'm going to miss him...I already do...but no matter if he's ever to be with me again in the future, or assume a completely different or non-existent role one day...this...this, is right. Tear invoking? check. Doubting the divorce constantly? check. Finding myself and revolutionizing me through the pain? check. And drumroll por favor, the sesenta/cuarenta...oooo, that rhymes, me gusta mucho.

1. Good- My skin, which has been que paso'ing between hell and high water the past six months actually started to calm down this week. I don't know if it was the "green" foods I was occasionally consuming, or the workouts, or the fact that I was making decisions every day that didn't make me feel like a complete blob and waste of space, but breakouts were minimal, and for that, gracias skin Gods.
2. Good- Although I began to gut the home that Red and I had created together over the past tres anos this week, he and I continue to remain as committed to one another as we are emotionally able to through the stranglehold of grief and divorce, and even did dinner today with kid sis, having baby bro as our server. Muy interesante.
3. Bad- One of bro's best friends, Bern, after joining us toward the end of dinner, said to me after the ex departed, "You know there's still love there right?," which only serves to reiterate a notion that I both embrace and fight with each passing day-- that of the fact that I screwed up my life in divorcing him, and that one of the better parts of me is eventually going to be gone.
4. Good- I have been watching March Madness games all weekend. For any real sports fan who tears up when the seniors on losing teams start crying, or gets goosebumps, or screams really insanely when teams they don't even care about hit clutch game-winners, enough said.
5. Bad- My bracket, which thank God I only paid ten dolares to be in one pool, is royally fucked, or at least I feel like it is. Just about every upset I thought would go down, didn't, and well, I guess I'm not surprised. My extensive sports knowledge causes me to over analyze lineups and match ups and conferences and statistics every damn year, and therefore, I don't just pick teams based on initial gut reactions and a bit of luck like I should.
6. Good- My bracket was a sea of "x's" last year at the sweet 16 mark and I still went on to win both pools I was in because I had the proper final four, championship game, and overall winner. So, who freaking knows.
7. Bad- I have another ridiculously busy week looming over me and I'm certain I'll be falling asleep in some of my classes and in bed before 1 a.M. most evenings this semana.
8. Good- I'll be so busy drinking won't even be an option, and honestly, solid hours of sleep never did anything but help a person. And I'm talking about solid, sober sleep here, not the hungover 12 plus hours varietal that I used to typically subject myself to.
9. Bad- I have a paper to write before my 9 A.m. class.
10. Good- Turns out, I'm sort of a badass little paper-cranker-outer when I actually sit down to do so. Just ask well, anybody I know that's graduated or is in the process of doing so. I would have graduated years ago with 3 or more degrees if I could net the ones I've helped make happen. But hey, I love you guys.

xoxo to all, and to all, a great nite.