Eyes wide open

Passengers aboard flight 031809, a lo siento of sorts from your captain, Ms. Hap. I have been menos an internet connection for the past couple days and although it is no good excuse, my life three days into the better Me project has been all that I imagined it to be—busy, frenetic, productive, and completely wearisome. I have fallen asleep the past two noches before 12:30 A.M., no small feat for those familiar with me, both lethargic and on-the-go, and not because I felt it would be to my best advantage to bed down early, but because I could not keep my ojos open. I have spent the start of this week at work, in class, over homework, running, and stocking up on organics from Bloomingfoods. Yes, organics, as in hippie-healthy fruit, steel cut outs, and even graham crackers. Dear Dios, who am I right now? But oh, dear God, I needn't even await your reply, because I know who I am ahorita, I am scratching the surface of the girl I was around this time last year, the healthy eating, at least 85% of the time, workout bulimic, to-do list dominatrix, and it feels like gold. Tired, melted down, fools gold maybe, but gold nonetheless. I was reminiscent of one of those tacky little dogs that sit up on trashy people's dashboards whose heads bob up and down and up and down today in fit for life lab, but at least I was in class. And in both classes previous to that one as well, and I'll be heading back to campus in under an hora to round out my busy miercoles. Despite a meeting with one of my profs tomorrow to discuss my attendance, I am ready to face him with eyes wide open, at least to this final stretch of spring semester and genuinely hope to convey to him that I'm ready to turn this around, that I'm building up the walls of my life and not ripping them down with rapidity and furor as I have been. And just for the record, I even skipped out on St. Patricks Day celebrations last nite, trading green drafts for "green" food. Mi vida is thick with change. But on to the 60-40 because I'm 40 minutos away from class time…

 

1. Good- I am taking a yoga class with kid sib tonight and I haven't done a downward dog for I don't even know how long. I am competitive to a fault and I know I'll overexert my lack of flexibility trying to out bend mi hermana and others in the class, but I'm looking forward to it regardless.
   
2. Good- I had the most amazing kiwi fruit last night and I'm so triste because I only bought two.
   
3. Bad- A girl that I met a month or so ago that I spent a fun night hanging out with is heading back from her temporary job here back home to Texas, and then off to another training stint in Ohio. I didn't even really get to know her much at all, but she was a kind soul and now, for the millionth time in my life, one of my good girl friends, or in this case, a potential, is out of town again. Best wishes E.
   
4. Good- I still have nothing but amor for my dearest amigas, some in Indy (Tt, Lo, Als, and Kiki) and one guy friend that I love as much any of my estrogen-packed counterparts in Washington D.C. (Bobblehead). And after unexpectedly hearing from Lo last night, I just felt one of life's great truths confirmed within me, relationships and absence are like fire and wind. If the fire is pequeno, any level of wind will blow it out over time. But if the fire burns bright enough, a gust of wind simply stirs it up even higher and hotter. And as for these friends, we are all en fuego. I love and miss you guys…
   
5. Bad- I have to work on Friday night which will mean that I will miss some of the opening round games of march madness, and honestly, as this tournament is sorta-kinda one of my life forces, ugh, that sucks.
   
6. Good- I have Thursday night off, sweeeeeet, and a bracket that I hope is insightful and dashed with just the right mixture of luck and college basketball knowledge and expertise to help me win my couple of bracket challenges that I'm in. Bring it on boys.
   
7. Bad- I wanted to take a nap, probably needed to take a nap during my two hours in between classes, but I watched dvR'ed Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill and The City instead.
   
8. Bad- I am overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of starting to move all my things out of the house that Red and I inhabited together for the past couple years.
   
9. Good- I need a change of venue, a place to call home, if only for a bit, where I don't walk in and have to face the demons of relationship past, see the ghosts of memories and hear the conversations of old about forever after, and children, and commitment. This house is haunted, and until I exorcise myself from it, he and I both will continue to suffer from nightmares.
   
10. Good- Did I mention March Madness starts tomorrow? Are you kidding me people, this is the most pure, exhilarating time of the ano, and although the tourney is a bit sad without curry and Davidson, it will create its own new heroes, and I will still cry during "one shining moment."
    

Xoxo to all, and to all a blessed day.