Risen...

Passengers aboard flight 040410, this is your captain MsHap wishing you and yours a very peaceful and contented Easter. Whether or not you are religious and celebrating this as the day that Jesus Christ rose from the dead, saving us all from eternal damnation (as I am), or you simply are enjoying the day with loved ones and stuffing yourself full of Cadbury Eggs (which, I by the way, loathe) and Peeps (which, I by the way, love, especially microwaved to the point of near explosion), today is truly one to just think back on where you've been, value the people who enable you to understand the full scope of love, and put all the things in your life in perspective for once, really count your blessings. That is what I am doing today, despite the dull ache I have felt slowly begin to lay siege in my inner recesses. I'm not certain why, in the fifth day following our death spiral, that I am feeling this loss in this way, as Sunday's were typically our "minimal to no-contact" day. Perhaps it's because today is a holiday and one in which I have been surrounded by family and texted by the majority of my close friends that I am realizing his absence in my life in a greater magnitude than over the past few days. It must be this, paired with my lack of obligations today (no school, no work) that has allowed my mind to wander to him, to us. Had the events of Tuesday evening not shaken out as they did, the following is an almost exact replication of what would have certainly taken place between us today, via text of course.

Me: (because I always texted first, until I noted this to him and started waiting on some days for him to text me) "Happy Easter baby, have a great day"
Him: "Igual mente" (translation: Equal mindset- or right back at ya)
Me: "I love you."
Him: "Te amo tambien." (translation: I love you too)

And I would have left it at this, left him to his other life, but been at peace with the minimal exchange. I am amazed, now in retrospect, how peaceful I was with such little interactions and conversations such as these. Definitely the definition of short-changing myself in the love department. I have got to keep reminding myself of all the glaring negatives and detrimental aspects that were results of he and I. It isn't a short list. I just realized I created a fake "what if" text dialogue between my ex and I. I don't even know what that means. I wonder how long it will be before I'm not mentioning him in my posts at all.

However, my life menos him, has been progressive, positive. I have ran each of the past 5 days (weekly mile count- 12), something I have not done more than 2 days in a row since August, literally. It is as if I am trying to move miles away from him with every stride, every interval, every side cramp, every time I lace up my Asics even when I would rather just wallow in my self-pity kiddie pool. So far, I feel like it has been working. The road has been my therapist and bitch both. It absorbs my pain, and aggression, my physical and emotional struggle. It stays steady under my feet as I clear out my head, breath him in and out. I am learning more each day that the road is a great listener. I like that unlike any one else I speak to, pour out my secrets and guts to, it stays quiet. It very rarely has anything at all to say, except for encouragement and the prospect of a longer run the next time out. From the moment I hit mid-arch step one it greets me with a "Hey, you again," to its whisper when I fold over frontward, sucking air, "Yep, good stuff. You should try for 8 tomorrow," none of it goes unnoticed by me. And I'm taking the road up on this latest challenge on Monday afternoon. 8 miles. 42, 240 feet of soul-searching, grief-purging, head on the burning in my legs and regulating my breath and not on anything else love and hate and sweat.

This break-up has a name boys and girls. It's called motivation. And with that said, I am wrapping this up to spend some time in workout mode with kid sister and then doing the church thing again and watching a movie and opening night of the mlb. Drumroll please...the 60-40...

1. Good- Opening day of major league baseball is tonight and my Yankees (defending and 27 World Series title champions) are going to beat the BoSux circa 8 P.M. Pinstripes!!!
2. Good- I am going to see Clash of the Titans in 3d with sister. I haven't seen a 3d movie since Avatar and I am hyped. In preparation and anticipation of this cinematic adventure I wrote this entire post with my 3d glasses on. I'm honestly not sure why I even still have this pair and in such close proximity to my computer. Weird.
3. Bad- I have a redic amount of reading to do for school tomorrow and mounting absences I'm gonna have to have documentation for by semester's end. I skipped last Friday. But it was Good Friday and I'm a pastor's daughter. No brainer. I wonder if my prof's will accept a note from my dad on a church letterhead. I just laughed out loud.
4. Bad- The stress of dwelling on he and I's demise and the untimely but always relieving arrival of my time of the month has me slightly broken out and majorly annoyed.
5. Good- Butler, and I'm not even going to use the word 'upset' anymore, beat MSU last night and is playing Monday evening in Indianapolis for the NCAA National Championship against Duke.
6. Good- I don't have tickets, but I'm going downtown Indy with some friends tomorrow night to watch the game and I guarantee you no matter the result, the city is going to be absolutely LIVE (as in, watch out, live wire) after. I want to be a part of that atmosphere. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.
7. Bad- I might have to work at Hollister Tuesday morning and I can imagine how I might be feeling during that shift. I pray I'm a call-in. And then I pray they don't need me.
8. Bad- I missed my Grandma that passed a bit over a year ago more than usual today, and was struck with this feeling by the presence of one of my Easter basket items from dad (those little gum balls shaped like eggs in a small carton).
9. Good- I had a friend approach me out last night to let me know he has a couple book ideas swirling around in his head that he really thinks are gonna be great and he wants me to write them.
10. Good- I'm introducing a new little section to the my blog today. See below.

Escuchar (Listen): Vanilla Twilight- Owl City

Mirar (Watch): Opening night baseball (Yanks/BoSox 8 PM) or the Life series on Discovery.

Leer (Read): The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (life altering. seriously. if you know me personally, ask me to lend it to you. and I might. and if you don't, buy it, kindle it, steal it for all I care, it's called The Book Thief for goodness sake).

Pensar (Think): "There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." --Louis L'Amour

Happy Easter all.