And yet found...

Passengers aboard flight 040810, this is your captain MsHap on the loudspeaker. I'm not certain how long this particular post will pan out to be, as I am running on 4 horas of sleep, and had the kind of day in which a nap would have been not only nice, but was almost a necessity. I literally almost parked my car along a road I was driving along early evening because I thought at any time I ran the possibility of succumbing to narcolepsy and proceeding to careen into a local establishment or local elderly couple. I am obviously still alive. Great success. Oh, what a difference a day made. And not that anything extraordinary came of the events of my day, or that I cranked out a mega to-do list like I was tweaking on something, or that he decided we could try this all over again. Instead, I simply made it to all of my classes, saw and spoke minimally to him, saw my co-worker/close friend's new addition (adorable she, by the way), had a catch-up dinner with another good friend, and then cranked out some interval runs and abs/arms domination. And no, none of these things are anything that you would find me not doing again at some point, or that I don't already do with some regularity (increasingly so day by day in the time that I am devoting to workouts again), and yet, it was all enough.

Enough of what, you might muse. Enough to get me to eat again after a day and a half of not. Enough to keep me occupied enough that I had little down time to ponder potential texts to him, potential schemes. Enough to allow me some genuine belly laughs around friends. Enough to hold a tiny two and a half week old life in my arms, and have her sleep peacefully, while her rambunctious, steadily approaching 2 year old sister tumbled and giggled and made me wish, if just for a fleeting second, that I might have already mothered one of my own. Enough to keep me from further spinning out following yesterday's performance of Girl, Interrupted. Enough to have him sit across from me a little over a week later, finally look at me in the beginnings of his soft way, and tell me maybe about our possibilities instead of the resounding no's I had been getting then and since. Enough to start to feel that with time, it could be possible to just be his friend, have him in my life in that capacity and that be ENOUGH. Enough that I feel comfortable enough with the check mark's of today that I can sleep without as much weight on my chest for the first time in a while.

I'll post again, including the 60/40 and the check, check, check now check it outs in the afternoon, after some sleep. Good night.