Is it in Me?

Passengers on board flight 040810, this is your captain MsHap speaking. I am currently sitting around waiting on the return on my kid sis with my vehicle so I can drive into town and attempt this 8 mile run that I have been so proficiently putting off for about a week. It's crucial that I get these longer runs in, slow or not, because I'm sitting about 30 days outside of the race, and competitive to a fault (not that I think I'm going to be chasing the leaders), but would nonetheless not like too many people from this area or that I know personally to be faster than me. Call it vanity, I care not. It's a bit windy outside, but thus equals the forecast of my inward state of MsHap, so it is nothing I can't deal with. I netted plenty of sleep last night, ate some food, although still not because I actually desired it, and have enough inner demons to expel to run an ultra marathon in the Sahara Desert right now. OK, that's a lie. I have neither the strength, stamina, stupidity, or penchant to endure that level of heat to even begin to fathom, let alone complete something of that caliber.

I'm not certain what I will do after I get this run in. One of the hottest guys I've ever seen around these parts has been asking me to hang out the past couple nights (last night, I held him at arms length) and he just texted me again. Certain ones of my friends are calling me stupid, blasphemous almost for shunning a "gift" like him. I just don't know if I have it in me right now to even be entertained, or distracted by anyone outside of Gordon Hayward or Cristiano Ronaldo (look them up if you aren't sure who they are), or if I'm honestly ready to just go through the post-break up song and dance just yet. Is it really fair to either of us, regardless of his intentions? Or am I just being an idiot? I have used these "filler" type of guys to get over everything from my first love at 18 to my divorce. Why the fuck would this be any different, would I mourn and move on from him any differently? Oh, that's right. Because even though we all use this new car smell mentality to get us at least mentally detached from people in our past, we all know there is a common theme to what usually happens at some point following our encounter with a "mind eraser." We either A.) try and start up some relationship with this alternate person, usually failing later because we weren't emotionally ready to get into anything with someone else at the time we chose to, or B.) just feeling worse or more empty than when we started, than if we had just stayed at home and decided instead to try and cultivate a new relationship with a workout DVD, a new sitcom, and a bottle of wine. I'm about 50/50 as to whether I am gonna go chill with him later tonight or just blow him off yet again and snuggle in with Jane Eyre and other school reading and hope the slide show of the past 8 months isn't on prime time in my mind for the 10th night straight. I wish I had some replacement batteries in my remote.

Post-run dissection, 60/40 and other stuff coming later when I get home. I've only been awake a few hours. I don't really have 10 things in my mind to even discuss with you based on my day yet.