Controlled chaos

Passengers, welcome to flight 021809, and this is your vaguely irritated captain speaking. Irritated because I'm an 11 on the normal life stress scale of 10 and instead of my parents trying to help me lower those points, they are hassling me about what I'm wearing to Gram's funeral in the morning and what I've chosen for my kid sib to wear. Are you kidding me parentals??? I might be one of the jokers in a standard deck of cards, but question my fashion sense, and especially in regards to my grandma's last hurrah. For the literal love of God Madre y Padre, question my sanity, question the firing of synapses in my brain, question my understanding of life in general, but do not EVER, EVER again, act like for a minuto that I might show up in some fucking clown suit to a funeral, and especially hers. I'm almost speechless. (insert 30 seconds of huffing obscenities under my breath and rolling my eyes). Ok, back to normal. I have honestly been compiling the most insanely comprehensive perfect seasonal wardrobe for the past five years and you two think instead of a tasteful LBD that I might show up in my second skin tight liquid leggings and a bustier in the morning. Holy shit. Anyway, today was otherwise pretty positive. I had lunch with one of the elites in my life, M. or the Pilot as I'll refer to him as furthermore, and we discussed his impending summer move to Florida when he graduates end of May for the furthering of the rest of his life. I really don't want to dwell on it b/c it makes my heart hurt, but thus is life. He and my otro boys will be in attendance at the funeral , which should be interesting because Red, mi ex esposo will be there as well. Red has never met M, or any of my international friends, and he has forbid me to even answer M's phone calls when I'm in his presence because my voice quote-unquote "changes" when I talk to him, whatever the hell that means. Actually, I do know, but here is neither the time nor post for this story. Otherwise, I had dinner with another one of my elites, in this case one of the muchachas, the Hellion as I'll endearingly refer to her as. She's a more unapologetic, random version of myself, and I love her for that. As destructive as it might sound, I could use a little more Hellion in my life and believe it or not, she's coming to church with me on Sunday. Father, forgive us, for we know mostly all the time what we do that's wrong and we do it anyway. I swear I'll get this right one day God. Scouts Honor.

I'm gonna get into the 60-40 because homework calls that I'm going to put off even further b/c I got a new Cosmo in the mail today. But can you blame me? One of the headlines is, and no bullshit with this one, "An Orgasm Almost Killed Her: We are NOT Kidding." Yep. Shakespeare, your masterworks are being trumped yet again in my life, and this time by "The 'O' Heard Round the World."

1. Good- I'm about to start telling you guys the craziest love story of all time and its only making the good category right now because he told me he loved me today. But then again, as you'll learn soon enough, I've heard it all before.
   
2. Good- I, as a huge fan of "The Office," pretty much had one of the best moments of my fanhood earlier when one of my best friends, Diggy, started telling me a story about how she cut her culo cheek shaving, saying "Han, honestly, my ass hurts so good right now," to which I was finally able to reply, "that's what HE said." Wow. Perfecto.
   
3. Bad- I told my parents with whom I am still annoyed that I would sing "Amazing Grace" tomorrow and I'm going to do it in the most vulnerable, ballsy rendition ever—a capella. I might want to sing through the song a couple times when I'm done with this.
   
4. Good- One of my best friends who is now in DC with the feds, whom I'll refer to as D.C. B, sent me a beautiful, unexpected tulip bouquet today to let me know he's thinking about me in my time of need. I miss you D.C. B, more than you'll ever know. Road trip anyone?
   
5. Good- I made up a word today (reserval), in which I used in a contract that my restaurant sent to a client referencing the rental of our private room, as in a spin-off palabra of the real word "reserved." It just felt right to me so I went with it. Screw you Webster, I don't need your validation.
   
6. Bad- Diggy, who is not only my mejor amiga but also works with me, called the English Chair at the college I attend and left him a message as to my use of the non-word "reserval" and asking him to please contact us with an answer as to its use and existence if any when he gets time. And I'm an English major. That he knows personally from having taught me semesters past and because I've waited on him.
   
7. Bad- I hadn't drank in 10 days and kinda sorta told people that I was going to quit (for "good") and had two tall drafts with dinner tonite. I was thirsty. That's about it.
   
8. Good- I received an unexpected cien dolares hoy. Muy bien.
   
9. Bad- I have to turn right around and use the money to pay off a speeding ticket that a prick state cop gave me a few weeks ago.
   
10. Good- This weekend is shaping up to be loca if I let it.
    

As always, xoxo to all, and to all a good nite.