Blame it on the alcohol

Passengers, it's your captain speaking for the second tiempo today and the headline is self-explanatory. Blame it on the goose, got me feeling loose. Blame it on patron, got me in the zone. Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol, rinse and repeat. I didn't get anything, literally anything, accomplished this week and although my first line indicates that I'm pinning the guilt of a "wasted" weekend on high-end tequila and the like, all I have to do is find the closest mirror to see the real problema. I made it ten days without drinking before falling back into bed with my guiltiest pleasure, and now I am facing the toughest week ever to make up desperate ground at escuela, and I'm not certain that even seven straight all-nighters could remedy the quagmire I've created for myself. I am working 5 shifts this week in addition to my school load, have my first piano lesson, and hope to start running again, treating my body like I did up until I totally started to lose it in late August, like it was a machine that needed routine maintenance and oil changes and not just a casing for my sad insides, something to abuse and run down and punish. Tomorrow is a huge day at work, our open house, and I'm basically the "voice" of Umi. Alc will be freely-flowing and the atmosphere easy and I wonder just how much I will succumb to downing. I so badly just want to quit this vice, for me. Which brings me to today's 60-40, spanning the entire weekend.

 

1. Good- I spent a lot of quality time with friends and fam this past few days. I did lunches, and dinners, and a casino trip, and even an 80^th birthday fiesta for one of my best friend's grandpa. A party in which we started an "F-bomb" tally. So appropriate if you think about it. Or not…
   
2. Good- The Texan whom I was worried about b/c he went all MIA on me communication-wise for a couple days finally answered my phone calls, told me he'd been sick and was lo siento for ducking out on me, and said "I love you," which, from him, breaks down all my defenses.
   
3. Bad- I'm not sure what the Texan and I are even trying to do, trying to be, if anything, as just because we thought it couldn't be coincidence that we have managed to keep feelings intact and stay in touch across the U.S. and for over five years, me chalking up a failed marriage, and he a broken engagement in the duration, maybe that's still not enough reason to pursue this. Could I actually even do a long-distance relationship and for how long? Honestly, I can't even answer that right now.
   
4. Good- The Hellion and I sat 2^nd row at church this morning. A service in which my pastor dad kept it gangster as always, referring to Oprah and Ellen D. as "witch prophetesses" and saying "I don't give a 'D'" as in damn. Sometimes I'm convinced he drops acid before services, but I love he and Jesus ambose, so I keep going, sporadically at least.
   
5. Bad- The bestie and I, although in attendance, were both feeling completely rough from our late nite activities and I'm certain I smelled like I had been job-shadowing a chain smoker.
   
6. Bad- I lost 50 bucks at the "boat" on Friday night and we returned home at 8:30 AM on Saturday and I had to go to work at 10:30 that morning.
   
7. Good- We weren't busy enough to cause me to keel over, I made my lost dinero back, and I only tasted throw-up in my mouth once following an errant burp.
   
8. Good- I feel like my face isn't breaking out as much, even though my stress level has stayed the same or increased.
   
9. Bad- I'm days away from throwing up my monthly red flag and that in itself is going to break me out all over again.
   
10. Good-I'll be starting a new week in less than seven horas and with new weeks come new chances to produce and succeed and find opportunities in places you didn't even know existed. Even when down, I am eternally hopeful.
    

Xoxo to todos, and to siempre a good noche.