Passengers aboard flight 040109, this is your captain speaking. I am two weeks deep into the better Me project, and although still struggling to keep adhering to its stipulations, I am feeling increasingly more eye on the prize with each passing day. I'm about 6 weeks out from the mini I'm going to run in, and feeling stronger each mile. I'm still far off my lithe look of last summer and the pace and regularity in which I exercised then, but a day and an interval run at a time. It's nice to know that with this whole trying to be healthier thing that I'm able to control it—if I eat right and workout, I will see results, whittle my waist, compete like a badass. I feel like so much arises in mi vida that I have no grasp on, the falling out of the clear blue sky unexpected shit, finding that person and making it work itself into an epic love story, my career, etc., etc., that when there are a few facets of the grind that I can put my immediate stamp on and regulate to some degree, I should probably take advantage of those elements, school included. And as far as those que paso'ings that occur in one's most unsuspecting moments, well, those are starting to descend upon me like a thick fog, and surprisingly enough, I don't feel all that much anxiety, but more the opposite. A couple friends of tiempo past have resurfaced lately, one of whom I swore up and down a few years ago that I would have no more place for, wouldn't miss a beat in my going-on's if she slipped off the side of a mountain, and yet, as through a mutual friend she has found her way onto my radar screen again, instead of giving her the cold shoulder I had so perfected against her in previous meetings, I let myself laugh with her instead. I reached deep into the part of me that so distrusted her (even if it were for legitimate reasons) and called into mind instead some of our previous fun and memories, as well as reminded myself of all the changes that I have undergone in over three years, maturing and learning, and hoped these things for her as well. And even if this friendship, if so it becomes, comes crashing down again, I am not going to shield myself from it. People come in and out of one's life for a reason, and perhaps, just perhaps, will I learn something, achieve something different at her hands this time, and if not, well, that's a lesson in and of itself as well. Aside from ghosts of friends past lingering around in my present, I am starting to have to deal with the thought of the exodus of one of the dearest people in my life, that individual being mi hermano. He is a little over a mes away from college graduation, and is looking into and I'm certain he is going to get one, internships and possible job opportunities in the L.A. area. Yes, that is Los Angeles, as in Ca-li-for-nI-A. He and I have always had our disagreements over the anos, saying bitter things to one another and fighting like gatos y perros, but we've always come back around, a fact that has probably intensified the nature of our love for one another rather than marred it. We, with each passing year, have battled over everything from my marc Jacobs aviators to my school situation and our choice of significant others, and yet, we have also seen our relationship lately turn a 180, realizing that just because we know exactly how to push the others buttons doesn't mean we should gratuitously, that sometimes, even if wronged, it's better to just keep your damn mouth shut, or at least actually hear the other person out first, and that at the end of the dia, marriages and girlfriends come and go, and you might move from job to job, but the fact that family members are lifers in the scheme of things, well, we finally get that. And now, by as early as the summer, I will have to let go, at least on some levels, my baby brother, to a big, BoLD, extremely deserved and exciting futuro in somewhere most likely other than Indiana, and know that what he is pursuing will better us all, bring me more happiness in my heart than he and I sharing pitchers of margs at Real Hacienda or lounging around watching sporting events and trying to one up one another with statistics and random knowledge. We've come a long way Jeckyl, and now, as we always have discussed, we have to put the pieces of our puzzles together, because the sky is, and all clichés aside here, not the limit for us, but simply a nice place to aim for first. But, as I just teared up, writing those last few lines, onto the 60/40 because I've still got a full day ahead of me and don't need overly red streaked eyes.
- Good- Baby sib 'netted tres awards last night at her winter sports banquet, including the Elite award (the female bball players highest honor) as a freshman and I was beaming like a dumbstruck m-f'er. I am proud of her like none other. I am, and always will be, her biggest fan.
- Bad- The banquet lasted three horas, and unfortunately for me, I was ready to tap out of it about an hour and a half in. There was wayyy too much crying, and as a walking Hallmark poster myself, well, that's saying a lot.
- Bad- I'm about to head out the door for a five mile run. Yeah.
- Good- The bitch of a workout is going to burn at least 500 calories. Yeahhhh.
- Good- Turns out, from a couple random people telling me at the most random moments that they read my blog regularly, that somehow I have maintained some level of readership, as losing loved ones, divorce, binge drinking, and even attempting to speak some Spanish resonates with someone other than myself at least.
- Bad- One of the random people to read my blog was my ex's sister who informed him that I have a crush on a guy in Texas which he then kamikaze'd me with randomly the other night. She doesn't even have facebook where I first invited everybody to check out my mental and emotional word vomit, and yet, she reads my blog. Wow. Full circle.
- Good- I actually kinda love that she read it. Turns out I'm an attention whore, and if I really wanted to keep something secreto, I wouldn't put it on here, for any of you to read.
- Bad- I can't even sleep on my bed at home because it is covered with an entire master's closet worth of clothes and zapatos and everything I basically own.
- Good- Sister has a nice little spot for me in her bed whenever I'm at home, which is both comfortable and reassuring, because as it turns out, I really haven't slept alone much for the past five years.
- Good- things are always looking up.
Xoxo to all, and to all a splendid day.
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